Coping with your husband's ego.

my sugar boi

Marriage is hard! Those of us in it sometimes want to escape, and those that are yet to get hooked are killing themselves just to get in. Let me share a personal experience with us today, awhile ago, my husband and I were getting into frequent misunderstandings (due to differences in our backgrounds and temperamental dispositions), until we both realised that beautiful marriages don't just happen because we wish them to, nor because the parties involved are good looking, but because they both make conscious individualistic and collective efforts and sacrifices at making theirs work out beautifully. One of such ways is in DEALING WITH ONE'S PERSONAL EGO.

To my understanding, your ego is that protective wall we build over time as we grow into matured adults over our hearts, personality and self esteem. Thank God for 'egos' for it helps us to build strong, healthy and well-guarded personalities until...

You get locked into a complex setting such as marriage where you live with a man (that has individualistic differences) as a husband and who has an uncensored and untamed over-the-roof ego, and you must submit yourself to him as the Proverbs 31 Christian wife that you are, thus bringing the sanctity and usefulness of your own personal 'ego' as a woman and as an individual to check and to question in a rush.We find ourselves suddenly lost, cofused and in a disastrous hurry to 'change' our now strange spouse into wha we think they ought to be, bringing about unnecessary friction between the both of you. Forgetting that the 'job duties' of being your husband's help-meet does not include being his conscience, his judge, his mama or even the Holy Spirit. 

God never called us wives to become our husband's personal unsolicited pastor or evangelistic, but to be his wife...Simple! The way to win back a lost or straying husband is not by nagging him to your own idea of common sense/wisdom, but by RESPECT, SUBMISSION AND LOVE. 

I won't dwell much on the issue of respect today because I'm telling you that another BIG DEAL to every husband no matter his shoe size or pocket size. But the fact remains that when a man feels disrespected by his wife, especially by her actions, your verbal recitations of love to him by any other medium sounds like 'radarada' (arrant nonsense) to him.

For evry husband, his ego and respect are so closely knitted together that trying to separate one from another or merely toying with either of them could spell doom for your marriage because they interprete such as an attack! And nobody takes that lightly or do you?

From creation, every man, no matter how annointed, calm, matured, spiritual and so on that he might be, would  take an attack on his ego and respect lightly. They can literally  kill such a percieved enemy for that and that includes you my dear sister and wife. This is why there is such an alarming and disturbing increase in the rate of domestic violence these days because with the outburst of feminism and women  liberation  (I am still wondering how we women have actually been liberated), many new wives forget or even bluntly refuse to 'worship' the ego of their husbands for the good of all thus making brazen and regrettable moves to emasculate our men.

I'm in no way making a case or an excuse for violent, abusive or chauvunistic husbands; I'm only breaking the down the truth about marriage and love as the Holy Bible instructs us wives. I'm voting for more happier and fulfilling marriages based on the fact that in as much as we wives wield and yield so much power and influence over our men, they will only let you make use of your power and influence when they are totally convinced that you have compltely submitted to their authority as your head and priest, and that you have an undeniable respect for them.

Remember the popular adage that says you stoop to conquer?, well that applies in marriage too. You must learn to GET OUT OF THE WAY and allow the Holy Spirit do His job at correcting , chastising and changing your husband when necessary. That way the voice of God won't sound to your husband as your nagging, distorted voice when He speaks to his heart or conscience and as such defeat its aim that would be of benefit to you.

I made so much of this avoidable mistake in the past in my marriage; but thank God for His unfailing Word and for the Godly wisdom that we gather everyday as my marriage is and gets sweeter always I know because I know better now and so should you...